The Loon in Luna

[Friends/DA/Order]

I just realized that I missed my birthday. By like a month. It was the 28th of January, and now it's almost the end of February. I guess happy birthday to me.

How is everyone else doing?

[Hexed to Order/DA/Friends]

The New Year was all right. I finally have another dog. He's not even a puppy, he's full grown. I named him Aramis. I might as well stick with a theme, right? Anyway, here is a picture.

( Spellotaped inside )

New year, a new beginning, isn't that the way people view it? Does anyone have any resolutions?

[Hexed to Order/DA/Friends]

I want more puppies. Or maybe rescue dogs. Probably rescue dogs. I'm just trying to get myself psyched up to go and do it. I know it's dangerous, but I'll be extra extra careful and disguise myself and everything. No one's expecting any of us to show up at a pet shop, right? Maybe a muggle one somewhere far away. That will do the trick.

It's almost Christmas. Still not really any snow. I wish there was a way to get presents, but everyone will just have to get pudding instead.

[Hexed private to self]

Sometimes I think we should just forget plans and go. I know it's important, but who knows what they're doing to our friends. The wedding was a nice distraction, albeit a reminder how I'll never have any of that, but I get anxious. Every time I say anything though, I get told that we have to wait. Waiting is awful. I've never been good at waiting.

[/hex]

[Hexed private to friends/renegades]

I'm tired of it being cold, but I wish it would snow.

[Hexed to Friends/Renegades/etc]

I need a nap. And a hug.

Someone wants to come and cuddle with me, right?

[Private to Friends, Including the Order, DA and Renegade members]

I think I've finally solved the pup problem. He's been good about not getting out anymore. Thank you to everyone for putting up with him and me.

Everyone has been extremely quiet. Is everyone okay?

Sleep is much better. Silencing charms work wonders.

[Hexed Private to Order/DA/Friends]

Has anyone seen D'artagnan? I can't find him anywhere and I think he ran off from camp. I guess I should go and find him. I don't know what I'll do without him.

If anyone sees him, let me know.

Also, I've been making up potions. I'm not the best potion maker, but if anyone needs some to sleep, I have them. I haven't been really sleeping much at all. Though I'd make enough for anyone who needs some.

two years later
Renegade Camp
June 27, 2006

Dartagnan is getting to be far too big. He needs to run a lot, and I've been running with him but he wears me out.

It's nice having him though.

I kind of want to go to the beach. Somewhere nice, where it doesn't rain. I want to swim and have fun. Not sure I want to go by myself though.

Is anyone actually around anymore? It seems so quiet.

[Hexed against Death Eaters]

I've finally cleaned up my father's house. My house. Everything is put back the way it was, except for the fact that he's not there anymore. I could move in, though that's probably still dangerous. I much prefer my living arrangements now, anyway. It doesn't seem like I've lived here that long and yet it feels like I have lived here forever at the same time. Going through everything in my old house was hard. It also told me that I need to grow up. I think I've been naive about a lot of things.

How does one grow up though?

I've started up the Quibbler, and it should be out soon.

( Also, look what I got! )

His name is Dartagnan and he's about ten weeks old. I do not think I shall ever have children, but this is the next best thing. I don't know why I didn't get one before.

[Hexed against Death Eaters]

On this momentous day when I've been spending most of my day reading and ignoring Valentine's, I was thinking of getting a puppy. It might be nice to have someone around.

Though of course, only if it's okay with George and Fred. I'm not quite sure what kind yet, but I do have quite a bit of money that father left me.

(Hexed against Death Eaters)

I've chopped off most of my hair. I admit to doing it on a whim. I admit to feeling anxious this past three weeks. I want some place to settle down. That's what I've always wanted. To give my father grandchildren and have a settled sort of life. There's no one to give grandchildren to now though. I don't think settling down will ever be in the cards for me. I have never been asked on a date, and I have never been kissed. I keep moving back and forth. Most of the time I'm with Fred and George, they've been nice enough to let me stay with them.

The other half of the time I'm with Neville, and once in a while with Ginny. Everyone has a life to get back to. A place to call actually home. I don't have that anymore. I don't know where to live, and it's not safe if I do. I don't know if I'll always have to keep moving. Probably. No one told me that it is this exhausting to keep on the move all the time. I fear even if I could stay in one place, no one would want me around.

I did make myself go home though. I sit on a pile of a destroyed life. I can't bring myself to clean up, though I know I should. I can't bring myself to leave either. It still smells like him. Like dirigible plums and mint, and tobacco. All of my mother's things are here too. I need to take care, take what's important. I just sit here, not knowing what to do. And it probably isn't safe.

At least my hair looks nice.

Does anyone need a roommate? Or know of a place that is suitable for me to live on my own? I can't go back there, I just can't.

[Hexed against Death Eaters and supporters]

My father's funeral is going to be Tuesday, at 1 p.m. Don't feel like you have to come, it will be a small affair. Just in case anyone would like to come.

[/hex]

[Friends]

I'm staying with Neville and Sturgis for now, in case anyone needs me. I think I'm still in shock. They say I shouldn't be out, and I'm still trying to recover but at least I'm conscious.

I need a hug.

[Friends]

It feels good to be conscious. Have I missed anything?

[/end]

( Hexed private to self )

( Hexed private to self )

Something bad is going to happen. Any one have any tips on how to get your father to talk to you like you're not a child?

The world is in such great chaos, it's hard to know which way to turn when everything has been turned upside down. Left is right, backwards is forwards, up is down. I realize I haven't poked my head out to say that I'm alive, I just haven't had the strength to do so. My shoulder is messed up something fierce, but it'll be all right. I'm alive, that's what matters.

I've been thinking about the world, and whether or not it wants balance in the world, or whether it wants chaos. Though the more I think about it, the more I realize it's essentially the same thing. Chaos has it's own sort of balance because it is all chaos and random. It doesn't stay one way for very long and it goes back and forth. That's like balance. The world has to shift eventually, for balance or for chaos. You can say that's the reason for the sunshine and for rain. Random and yet not. One day things will be different, one way or another. It's karma. You reap what you sow. That I believe in, what goes around, comes around.

Remind me to never ask anyone to dinner ever again. That was quite disappointing.

I'm sorry I've been quiet lately, I've been working on the Quibbler. The new issue is out starting tomorrow.

There is something about the quiet of the night, being alone in the house. Not that I'll be alone for much longer. Dad is coming home tomorrow, and then I'll have to look after him. He tells me he doesn't want me to have to look after him. That I shouldn't spend my whole life doing this. That I should be thinking about boys, and living life. I don't know how he expects me to think about those things. With everything going on, there is no living a so-called normal life. I do not understand why he would like for me to be normal in the first place. I am not normal. I will never be normal. I do not understand things like the way people dress, I have never been asked out on a date, and I do not think I ever will be. I don't understand parties, or making friendly talk or what the point of most things are.

There won't ever be normal life for me. I don't want to be normal. Normal is boring. I just want pudding, and to walk barefoot and braid flowers in my hair. I don't want to have to fight, but I will if it's necessary.

Anyway, the quiet of the night is so still. There aren't any sounds but the ones that are insects. No one is around. I can't even hear breathing. My own breathing. Just the stillness.

I wish it was always like that.

I'm going to invent something that will allow you to nap without making you lose time.

And I realized that staying in my house by myself is really kind of scary and creepy. I don't think I could be someone who lived alone.